I woke up this morning feeling so much better than I have in the past few days. I mean, nothings really changed. My financial aid is still all screwed up and i might not be able to take classes this fall, but its not the end of the world. Maybe God doesn't want me in school this semester. Maybe I have to concentrate on my baby. I've been thinking about starting my business back up. Maybe I'm suppose to take these few months to do it? Or maybe something great is about to happen and I have to be available for it. I don't know, but getting upset over something I can not control is ridiculous. One of those lessons I have to keep learning over and over again, I guess.
Yesterday I was late picking up my daughter because I was caught by a train and it had the nerve to stop right in the middle of the intersection. I'm screaming and crying at the train in my car like that's gonna help move the thing when it hits me. What the hell am I doing? Is this solving anything? Are my tears gonna magically pick the train up off the tracks and move it a mile down the road? No. So I calmly pulled out my cell phone, called the camp where my daughter was and informed them I would be late. There, that's all, no harm no foul. Now why was I crying again?
Things are still crappy at home, but I tried something last night. i walked around the house smiling. While I cooked, while I washed dishes, while I did everything I just smiled and you know what? I felt better. My daughter smiled at me. My boyfriend looked at me a little like I was crazy but he smiled too. The house just felt a little freer. Again it didn't solve anything, but I felt better and that's what really matters right? I think I'm gonna try it again today.
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