So, here I am at work feeling extremely crappy and extremely board. I had a huge fight with my boyfriend last night and my face is all gray and stretched out of shape from crying all night. I look like I've been up for the past 48 hrs watching TV. My stomach feels tighter than a bowling ball and sitting in this uncomfortable chair is not making things any better. I've been trying to register for classes for the past two weeks but between holds, lost files and dumb advisers I can't get anything done. I don't know if I'll be able to take classes this fall semester. And to top it all off, my ex husband ( I did mention I used to be married didn't I?) wont answer my daughters calls and she's been walking around the house all gloomy faced and it makes me want to drive to Ohio and punch him in the face.
With this pregnancy I feel everything and I feel like I'm feeling it twice as hard. My girl friend is living a good life right now ( making extremely good money, living at home so she has no bills, dating a number of good looking guys, shopping, eating out- the fancy life) and she's all flowery advise and platitudes: "nothing last forever" "this to shall pass" "life is what you make it" "blah, blah, blah." And hey don't get me wrong, I've been there so I know she's right. Nothing last, good or bad. Everything is always changing. But I don't want to hear that shit right now. When I'm knee deep in the middle of this muck, none of that is registering. I want some damn sympathy. I want some one to agree with me that, "yeah! This sucks!" At this point, with my crappy job, love life and home life the world looks grey and defeated. The glass is half empty and this fall means the death of everything and I want to plan my revenge. Its me against the world and I want to hurt something!!
Okay, so all that's a little dramatic, but that's what I mean. This pregnancy is making me queen of the drama and I cant seem to control it. All I want is to go a whole day with no disappointments. Or to go a whole week without feeling sad. I just want to feel happy and laugh, and laugh, and laugh. Is that to much to ask?
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